by SID - So in a week where the players are taking finals, I wanted to write an update on a person that has been noticeably absent all season: Frank The Dancin' Dog. Doreline NBC wanted to investigate what happened to this one-time giant in the unofficial mascot industry.
Five years ago he ruled as the top food mascot in the nation. His sidekicks ketchup and mustard and him barnstormed across West End throwing hot dogs, kissing babies and shaking hands with some of Nashville's finest. Then all of a sudden after the 2007 season he and his friends disappeared. He made a one-time appearance in the last series of the 2008 season, looking like Elvis in his final days. Unshaven and unkempt, his last performance was a sad shell of what he used to be. All that was missing was a cigarette and he would have looked like Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa. Afterwards, unnamed sources reported he needed an oxygen tank and an IV of pickle juice.
Efforts to find the elusive dog have come up empty and his sidekicks ketchup and mustard are not talking. You could sense the anger in their voices as they have lost out on plenty of opportunities, because without him they are just condiments. It would be like Dave Matthews Band without Dave. Some people, who chose not to go on record, say Frank got a huge ego and wanted his own promoter and agent booking gigs across the country and was angered when no one showed interest in the job.
Like Myron Noodleman before him and Crazy George, Frank had the potential to be a main-eventer but could not handle the pressure. Some say when the NCAA wouldn't allow him to perform at the Regional, that sent him over the edge. Insiders say that he had to be coaxed into his one time showing last season against Georgia and had to be paid handsomely in Smoothie King coupons and Coconut Cake.
The investigation took Doreline NBC to his home where his wife said he didn't want to go on camera or talk because he was embarrassed about what he had let himself become. She said he missed the spotlight and was hoping for one last run, but that appears doubtful as we could see him scarfing down the world's biggest burrito while peaking inside the house.
Whatever the case, the legend of Frank the Dancin' Dog is strong and many fans are hopeful he will one day come out to Hawkins Field again. We can only hope that he comes back strong and with his friends ketchup and mustard who are staying in shape for one last run.
Here's a clip of Frank in his hey day.